July 14, 2012


My Soul.

I think I have found my soul.  An unexpected revelation for me as well as, I'm sure, for those who know me.  Frankly, I never thought it was lost.  In fact, I've spent all of my adult years absolutely convinced that it never even existed.  So, imagine my surprise when I discovered that it is, in fact, another person.  That person?  My soon-to-be 10 year old granddaughter, Abagail.

Dictionary.com defines 'soul' as: "the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part."  That's what stunned me.  It is absolutely spot on to the internalized feelings I had.  In a wave of thought that flashed through my mind in mere microseconds, I realized that there very well may be a purpose as to how we live our lives.  Only took me 63+ years, but I'm not complaining.  I'm sure many folks never get to this point.  All of this translated to me as, if my physical actions are not heinous, deplorable, illegal, etc., then Abby will have no reason to think poorly of me.  Which would satisfy my spiritual needs.  (Of course this is selfish.  It's my soul!)

So. . . what does it all mean?  Now, this is extremely personal, but what it means to me is that I never want to do anything to disapoint her, either directly or indirectly.  (Not that she has these lofty expectations.)   It means I don't want her to find out that I died in a fiery car wreck, with a hefty blood alcohol level.  It means that I don't want to be arrested in a strip club during some random police sting that just happens to reel me in during the raid.  It means that I don't want to be a real-life-Salisbury-family-edition of a Len Bias.  It means that I don't ever want to show up as a news item with a mug shot broadcast out over the airwaves.  It means a million things.  Maybe more.

As of today my life has changed.  Not dramatically, but it has changed.  No more binging on shots at the local pub.  No more 'all-nighters' fueled by chemicals that may be most favorably termed as 'illicit' and alcohol consumption looked upon as 'excessive'.  (Not that I've done these things in recent years, but, until now, I had never ruled them out for the future.)  No more trips to Dreamers or Kaos.  (Okay, that one hurts a little.  I certainly do admire the undraped, female form.)

Yeah.  Abagail, as it turns out, is my spiritual self.  It's how we connect.  My day gets better every time I see her.  Or talk to her.  She seems to enjoy our time together, too.  I'm on her 'short list' when she needs a sitter for the occasional off day from school, and that's a really nice feeling.  She likes to come here because (her words, not mine) I don't talk to her like she's a little kid.  And she isn't.  She is wise beyond her years and has a really droll sense of humor.  (Yeah, it's that Salisbury Sarcasm Gene.)  Who knew?

Thank you, Abby, for helping to me learn something so important.  Thank you, Sean and Tina, for the incredible job you have done in raising this amazing young lady.  If you aren't, yet, you should be proud.  You done good, and I am the better man for it.